Football season is winding down with a few meaningless bowl games played out, unless your team happens to be in one of them (Wolfpack 41/Vandy 17). The NBA has played a third of their games already where as college is about to begin conference play. With a college or pro basketball game on each night, I began thinking of a F3 workout to use the old round ball. As a retired church league coach, I dug into my folder of old practice plans. No need to teach fundamentals to a bunch of grown men – you either have it at this point or your don’t. The eager PAX that crawled out of their fart-sacks desired cardio. I went to the white board and begin to draw up plays, I mean exercises.

The Snow Cone parking lot was filling up with some regulars and new faces to the AO. Fist bumps were flying. Mr. Jenkins on his third day in a row, having survived Gastone’s Monday beat-down which is an accomplishment for even the beasts. Glad to see Easy Rider off the IR; Freight is making the most of his vacation with an early post; Udders (Greensboro, NC) was lucky enough to marry a Gastonia girl and slid out of his in-laws again for another dose of pain; and then we had an FNG, Mark Hill putting his first stake in the ground. We all circled up with a short disclaimer: “You should have hit the snooze button; big mistake coming here this morning but since you were dumb enough to do it, may as well make the most of it. Modify as necessary, go at your own pace…”

The Pledge was recited in unison and then a quick outline of The Thang that would make Brownstreak happy and a quick demo of the two exercises to execute while waiting for the Six.


  • Side Straddle Hops – IC x 5 – Time to run (Whoopee smiled at the brevity)

I needed props for the workout. The Force told me I needed more than 8 basketballs. Thanks to Stroganoff for digging into his garage and finding additional balls. Something about grown men waking up in the early morning hours elevates the juvenile humor – insert any joke about “balls” here (yours are bigger than mine, quit grabbing my ball, my balls are flat…yada, yada). Each man grabbed a ball (but not before comparing size and color (insert ball joke #2) and took off running down Riverwood Parkway dodging some unusually extra traffic.  At the first neighborhood entrance, perform plank jacks with both hands on you ball (insert joke about balls here as well). At the third neighborhood entrance, perform merkins rotating one hand on the ball. Do these exercises to failure, rest and go again until the Six arrives. Head across the street to the church parking lot – plank jacks again while waiting for the Six. The final decent was to arrive at the basketball court at the back of Robinson Elementary School, where I spent a good chunk of my youth going K through 6th grade. I’d love to go into great detail, describing how YHC’s legendary status began on that very blacktop but as an undersized, frail guard, I didn’t gain the toughness playing full court 12 on 12 at recess. If only F3 was around in the early 80’s, I could have made it.

With any new workout a Q anticipates the guest-i-mated time allotted which rarely transfers to reality. Such was the case this early morning where the trek over took fifteen minutes. Quick math left me with about fifteen minutes to cram a full Weinke (you can derive a ball joke here if you choose) in order to return to our AO on time. Practice always begins with lay-ups and this session was no different. The men went through a rotation while waiting for the Six. I arrived just in time for Spiderman’s dunking exhibition.  Need to start with some cardio. PAX planked until it was their turn for the drill:

  • Side shuffle cone drill
  • Run forward to goal #1 for 10 backboard touches (7′ goal)
  • Back-peddle to center for 10 Merkins
  • Sprint to goal #2 for 10 more backboard touches
  • Back-peddle to corner for 10 CDD’s
  • Side-shuffle to start and plank
  • Rinse/repeat

Next segment – partner up; sit back to back sharing one ball (PAX offered plenty of ball jokes but curiously none involving Lance Armstrong – cardio may have caused deliriousness).

  • Side to side pass (think American Hammers)
  • Overhead pass, tap ball between legs (like a modified WWI)
  • Right Shoulder to Left Hip then Left Shoulder to Right Hip
  • We did about 20-25 of this set.

Next segment – keep partners; P1 does exercise while P2 runs to end of court and back

  • Merkin while rotating ball between left/right hand
  • Plank jacks with hands on ball
  • A-frame abs (think Freddie Mercury but with extended arms holding ball, pull down as knee rises)
  • Figure 8 – pass ball side to side with raised knee
  • L-pass – circle ball around one leg raised at 90 degree with other leg 6″ off ground (use a medicine ball if trying at home).
  • We did a total of 30 in aggregate of each set.

Final segment – no basketball practice is complete without suicides except this set was called Burpee Suicide. Arriving at the lines, perform a burpee before returning to the baseline. This will be included in a future Weinke, using the parking lot. The brevity failed to incite the mumble chatter desired.

With 15 minutes to go, time to return home. Gastone and Stroganoff led the PAX and gathered for a few flutter kicks at the mid-way point. YHC took the chance to get to know our FNG as he shared “I nearly puked back there…” I replied that splashing merlot is an honor among the PAX. DaVinci, Bandit, Freight, Hushpuppy, and Gastone circled back to bring us in, encouraging Mark along the way. Upon arrival it was 6:14 and no refunds would be offered: Flutter Kicks again – 16 in cadence – TIME.

Announcements: After Christmas Party at Whoopee’s House – RSVP. Nomads this Saturday are headed to the Mustang (East Lincoln) at 0600 from the Eastridge Mall parking lot (behind Dunkin Donuts).  We welcomed Mark Hill, a father of two young kids that works at Grainger. He was EH’ed by Lil’ Sweet, posting to this AO due to his house being across the street in South Pines. A few ideas flew around with ‘why would a chicken cross the road?’ being combined with the nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken for our newest member to be named: KFC. Welcome to the PAX!

Prayer requests: We lifted up Top Hat, Pizza Man, T-Square, and Dr. Feelgood who have various concerns with their families. We also prayed for Slaw with challenges he has in his life.

Moleskin: As with any workout, there is always room for improvement. I made some notes and will look to refine for the future. It was great to see the mix of regulars along with new guys to the AO. The distance was a little much but having balls in our hands certainly made it more fun (does that cover all the ball jokes from this workout?). Thanks for the chance to coach once again.

PAX: Short Sale

QIC: 12/28/2016